Isobel has been really cranky at bedtime this week but on one of the nights it was really severe. She just did not stop screaming for over two hours. It was that really painful scream too and not just her normal grumbling. I was beginning to get really worried as she hasn’t cried like that for a long time. Luckily my husband can cope really well with her endless tears and we took turns going back and forth to her cot to try and soothe her.
After about an hour and a half I couldn’t bear it any longer and began crying myself. It took so much out of me I had to leave the house for a long walk, and let my husband cope alone.
I cried for a long time on my walk, firstly feeling guilty that I could not stay and look after her, and secondly really worried something was actually very wrong. I just had such a feeling inside me that I could not cope. I don’t know why I take her crying so personally and blame myself when I cannot soothe her. It’s a vicious cycle to get into in your head, and ideally better to get out of it as soon as possible. Exercise has always helped me with negative feelings and I always feel more relaxed once I have exercised. I’m lucky I have such a supportive husband, that when I returned from my walk I got a very long lasting hug and reassurance that everything was ok. His answer babies just cry a lot sometimes.
If you are feeling anxious, low or even depressed around your child, remember it’s ok to take time out. Seek help professional or otherwise and remember #itsoknottobeok.
